'Twas the night before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas
Not a vehicle was stirring, not even my jeep.
I’m still grinning ear to ear, even in paradoxical sleep.
All the parts I ordered from BJ's and Zack's said “American Made.”
And I was asked to pull a float in Macy’s Christmas parade.
When out in the mounds there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the floor crawler to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
D.amn it, I tripped and fell over the trash.
My new razor grill reflected the new-fallen snow.
But wait there’s tire tracks down below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But four FULL SIZE JEEPS with a sled to the rear,
With a big old fart that was still lively and quick.
I knew in a moment it must be ol’e Grand Nick.
Flinging big globs of mud, all he did was curse as they came.
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
On, HONCHO! On, LAREDO! On, CHEROKEE! and CHIEF!”
Through swamps filled with mud and a whole lot of grief.
Now push your Staun deflators and lock in your hubs.
We’ll be heading to Fricker’s later for some grub.
As engines revived high and the FSJs did crawl,
Even with loose footing they did not stall,
Letting up on the throttle and shifting to 4 low,
The four muddy FSJs started to go.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard rumbling over head.
It was a sled with 401 INSIDE on the side of the bed.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Grand Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed in full camo Carharts and Action fleece,
And his clothes were all tarnished with oil and grease.
A bundle of Jeep parts he had flung on his back,
And he looked like Zack just opening his pack.
His eyes how they twinkled as he sifted through parts,
There where all things for Jeeps that are dear to our hearts!
He drooled a little from the corner of his mouth.
They say he caught it from a little naughty at Dartmouth.
The beard on his chin was all silver and gray.
With what looked like taco debris from the other day.
He had an ear gauge and his hair was all corn rowed.
He said he had a few more piercings, but that’s as far as he’d go.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And on the side of it were gold letters that spelled "JEEP keep the mud beneath "
He pulled a pouch from his pocket that said “metric wrenches”
“It holds my safety glasses.” and threw the pouch on the benches
He was chubby and plump, I ask how long have you been this way?
He thought he started gaining the 100 lbs back in MAY
With a wink of his eye; he pulled out a deep well socket.
And put his still smoldering pipe in his hip pocket.
He did speak a few words, with his tools in his hand
“Hey, just don’t stand there, turn on the radio then give me a hand!”
He went straight to my jeep and began to turn wrenches,
“When we finish here I am going to look for some wenches.”
He sprang to his JEEP, to his team gave a shout,
And through the thick mud, they crawled their way out.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND GOOD MUDDING TONIGHT!"
1990 Grand Wagoneer.. black with sand interior..
Razor grille, Hella H4 headlights, Piaa driving, LED spider taillights, tinted windows.
Full Corinthian leather front and rear seats, custom full length center console with cup holders. 100 sf of Rattle Trap on floor.
Edelbrock intake and 2132 cam, Howell TBI, Ford Distributor Cap, TFI Ignition Coil, Desmogged