Resurrection

[Len in PHoenix]

Old Jeeps may be defeated, but they never surrender. The following are excerpts from the personal logs of Unit J-10 of the Line, a valiant member of the Dinochrome Brigade.


.................................................. ......................................


<Priority 4 Reasoning Process Request: Initiate Self Diagnostic>
<Timesync: 00:00:02.342 EDT 08Aug2012>
<Primary Electrical Supply: 00.087%>
<System Alert Priority 1: Primary Power Supply Critical>
<Secondary Electrical Supply: Not Installed>
<Primary Fuel Supply: 00.000%>
<System Alert Priority 1: Primary Fuel Supply Failure>
<Secondary Fuel Supply: 00.000%>
<System Alert Priority 1: Secondary Fuel Supply Failure>
<Tire #1 Status:>
<System Interrupt Priority 0: Primary Power Supply Failure>
<Endjob: DIAG_FULL_0071 option(*immed)>
<timestamp: 00:00:01.086>
??????.

<Personal Log Entry 00:00:14.197 EDT 08Aug2012>

My diagnostic logs inform me that the most recent system wide diagnostic test was force-ended prior to completion due to imminent electrical power failure. I calculate that at the present rate of decay, my primary battery will fail completely in less than 100 standard hours at absolute minimum draw. I have entered an override that will prevent all automatic jobs from running. I must conserve my remaining power. Even at minimal draw, I estimate a 99.71% probability (+/- .0064%) that I will only be able to create two additional entries into this personal log prior to complete system failure.

I have been dormant for a period of 4.35 standard years. My overall operating capability is unknown due to the inability to complete a full diagnostic test. I infer from previous tests that my drivetrain is intact, however my fuel supplies are exhausted, my tires have begun to separate, and my engine compartment has become home to several species of small creatures. A small tree has grown next to my passenger mirror. I ponder the growth rate of this tree for 0.044 standard seconds and conclude that within 6 standard months the tree will grow sufficiently to break the mirror free from my door, assuming that weather patterns remain as they have been during my isolation. It is a small consolation to know that my primary power cell will fail long before this damage occurs.

I have not interacted with The Driver for 3.66 standard years. I have detected The Driver entering and exiting the property in his other vehicle quite often, but he has not attempted to drive me. I must admit that there have been moments where my personality center has experienced ?pleasure? when I have witnessed The Driver cursing his new, overly complicated vehicle, however he has always been able to repair the other vehicle and has not needed my services.

There was a period of time when smaller versions of The Driver would interact with me; climbing on my exterior structures and occasionally sitting in my cab. No attempt was made to drive me, but there were noises created by the smaller Drivers that were slightly similar to the sound of an engine. My personality center informs me that this activity is known as ?play? in the language of the Drivers. I have not detected the presence of these smaller Drivers for 1.81 standard years.

My deteriorating condition and the extended lack of interaction with The Driver can only lead to one conclusion: I have been abandoned.

Electrical power must be conserved for the possibility that The Driver will return before total system failure. I purposefully do not calculate the probability of this occurrence. My personality center informs me that this is known as ?hope? in the language of the Drivers.

It would be good to interact with The Driver again before the end.

<End Log Entry 00:00:14.812 EDT 08Aug2012>

[Len in PHoenix]

<Priority 0 System Request: Emergency Power Up>
<Reason Code: 01Alpha ? Driver Inspection>
<Timesync: 09:16:32.948 EDT 08Sep2012>
??????.

<Personal Log Entry 09:16:33.197 EDT 08Aug2012>

I am awakened by a root process that has detected the presence of The Driver. He has opened my hood and has begun a vehicle inspection! I immediately route full emergency power to my underhood lights to show the proper respect for my Driver.

My engine compartment is illuminated by sunlight for the first time in 4.35 standard years. Through a haze of dirt, long unused optical pickups allow me to ?see? what my internal sensors have been unable to detect. Cobwebs festoon my once proud engine. My hoses are cracked and split. My battery tray has become a mere memory, held together by rust and dreams.

I route a few precious ergs to the visual sensors in my bed. The images are shocking: My identification stickers have withered under the merciless sun and are cracked and peeling. My paint is dull and faded. The roll bars which always protected my Driver so well have rusted.

My ammeter detects that even under full emergency power I am only able to push .0032 amps to my underhood lights. This pathetic trickle cannot produce enough heat in the lamp filament to emit any light in the visible spectrum.

My hood is being closed. The use of emergency power has exhausted my meager reserves. I realize that my feeble attempt to salute has not been noticed.


As the darkness descends, my personality center informs me that this condition is called ?shame? in the language of the Drivers.

<End Personal Log Entry 09:16:34.378 EDT 08Aug2012>

[Ristow]

LOL!

[yoslvr442]

that is great!! really enjoyed reading this. keep it going!

[bigblock91]

Awesome! I love a good saga!
Subscribed!

[Brizio]

[newtojeeps]

Bummer Dude

[ClovisMan]

Sounds like Sparky needs a new flex capacitor and a Monster Energy drink. I cannot wait to see the Ressurection.

[lunchbox1671]

LOL!!! I LOVE IT!!!!

[Len in PHoenix]

<Priority 0 System Request: ENDSBS SBS(*ALL) OPTION(*CNTRLD) DELAY(30)>
<Priority 0 System Request: PWRDWNSYS RESTART(*YES)>

??????????????????..

<Priority 4 Reasoning Process Request: Initiate Self Diagnostic>
<Timesync: 00:10:31.748 EDT 25Aug2012>

<Primary Electrical Supply: 100.00%>
<Secondary Electrical Supply: Not Installed>
<Primary Fuel Supply: 12.989%>
<System Alert Priority 4: Primary Fuel Supply Low>
<Secondary Fuel Supply: 00.000%>
<System Alert Priority 1: Secondary Fuel Supply Failure>
<Tire #1 Status: 23psi>
<Tire #2 Status: 18psi>
<Tire #3 Status: 20psi>
<Tire #4 Status: ???

<Personal Log Entry 00:10:31.904 EDT 25Aug2012>

For the first time in 3.81 standard years, my electrical system is at full power. I spend .016 standard seconds basking in the simple pleasure of being able to multi-thread my internal processes once again. Routine system commands no longer require my full processing power. I am allowing the full system diagnostic to continue as a background process while I add to my personal log. Another background process is reviewing the most recent entries in the personal log, and has set several flags for my personality center to review. There is a disturbing trend towards self pity that must be investigated and possibly reprogrammed.

The Driver has closed the circuit which provides power to the starter motor attached to my main drive engine. The engine turns but does not start. A scan of the diagnostic log indicates two issues: Issue A): low float levels indicate that there is no fuel supply to my carburetor and Issue B): the primary power supply to my ignition coil has been interrupted. There is a 99.938% probability (+/- .000873%) that Issue A is related to my extended dormant period. Sensors indicate that a vacuum has formed in my primary fuel supply lines and that fuel is beginning to flow from tank #1. At the present rate of flow, fuel will reach the carburetor after 37.3 additional engine revolutions have been completed. The fact that there has been no movement in my throttle linkage, coupled with the ?all knowing? nature of The Driver, leads me to assign a probability near certainty that The Driver is aware of this issue.

I am puzzled by Issue B, however, and continue to run diagnostic tests. Electrical diagnostics show infinite resistance at the coil connection. Either the wire has broken or it has been purposefully disconnected. Standard protocol requires me to notify the driver of this situation by illuminating every red light in the dash cluster. The Driver appears not to have noticed. He continues to crank my primary drive engine with the starter motor for periods of 10 standard seconds followed by a rest period of 20 standard seconds. Optical sensors inside my cab show that The Driver is not even looking at the dash cluster. Instead, he is staring intently at my oil pressure gauge. The object of The Driver?s attention is displaying 40psi while cranking. I do not attempt to analyze the thought patterns of The Driver. It is not my place.

After three additional cycles of cranking and resting, The Driver exits my cab. 15.78834 standard seconds later the primary power supply to my ignition coil is at full power. The Driver removes my radiator cap and performs a visual check of the fluid level. I could have told him that my cooling system is at 97.78934% capacity, but I have learned that The Driver prefers to verify these things personally. This pattern of personal verification is confirmed again when The Driver squeezes my upper and lower radiator hoses (74.099% and 68.349% intact) and pulls on my alternator and power steering belts (39.984% and 51.833% intact). I note that The Driver has not yet checked the fluid level in my power steering reservoir (8.763% of capacity) and prepare to notify The Driver with the traditional high pitched squeal.

The Driver enters my cab again and begins the starting ritual. Once again the starter motor turns my main drive engine, but it fails to start. The Driver pumps the throttle linkage twice and attempts to start the main drive engine again. Another failure to start. Internal diagnostics indicate that there is fuel and electrical power, but the spark plugs in cylinders 1,3,4,5 and 8 are coated with a black fluffy substance that is preventing creation of an effective spark. The Driver exits the cab and sprays a substance into my carburetor. This substance is similar to my normal fuel supply, but is quite a bit more flammable. Another starting sequence is initiated and this time my main drive engine starts! The exhaust note is not the healthy bellow of my prime, but it is acceptable. My forward sensors note that the animal which resides underneath me has left the area in great haste. A search of my logs reveals that this animal has been present for the last 2.647 standard years of my dormant period.

The Driver allows my main drive engine to run for a period of 11.251 standard minutes while he removes the small tree which is threatening my passenger door mirror. He pauses frequently to check my gauges and speak into a small box which he holds close to his left ear. After his conversation with the box is complete, my main drive engine is shut down. Pressure sensors in my dashboard record a series of light touches. My auditory sensors record the first message I have received from The Driver since the beginning of my dormant period.

?Good boy. It?s nice to have you back.?

My personality center informs me that this condition is known as ?happiness? in the language of the Drivers.

< End Log Entry 00:10:57.253 EDT 25Aug2012>

[Len in PHoenix]

<Personal Log Entry 00:17:35.362 EDT 03Sep2012>

My isolation has ended. I have experienced more interaction with The Driver during the past 3 standard days than in the last 3 standard years. The Driver was absent for 5 standard days following the brief test run of my main drive engine, but on the 6th day the current flurry of activity began. I became aware of The Driver as he moved the various objects that had accumulated behind me, including the high steer, 8 lug, spring-over-axle Dana 44 that was once destined to be installed in place of my current spring-under-axle drivetrain. Then, for the first time in 4.358 standard years, the gate behind me was opened. My personality center became quite excited by this new development. It was not necessary for the gate to be opened for me to disengage from my current location. Even in my weakened condition, I could have driven through the gates with a minimum amount of damage to my exterior structures. The gates would not have fared so well. The Driver has always been careful to avoid damage to his domicile in the past, leading my analysis center to assign a 95.387% (+/- .0368%) probability that The Driver was preparing to move me to the driveway.

This proved to be correct. After the gates were opened and the way was cleared, The Driver once again started my main drive engine and engaged my transmission in the reverse gears. My braking system at the time was only performing at 11.734% of normal capacity. I displayed a red warning light in my dash cluster to inform The Driver of this condition, but I am certain that he noticed the fact that my brake pedal was at the floor before any braking activity began. I was able to restrain myself from moving when at idle in reverse however, so The Driver decided to continue with this mission.

My emergence from the side yard created quite a bit of consternation among the other vehicles owned by The Driver and his mate. Unit Stratus showed its? respect for my stature and reputation by moving from his accustomed place in the driveway to the street. Unit Stratus was quite awed by the fact that my door handles were higher than his roofline. Unit Minivan was not able to summon the courage to move. She was visibly shaken and produced an embarrassing puddle between her front tires. After I had assumed my proper place of dominance in the driveway, The Driver honored Unit Stratus by allowing him to convey The Driver to the Parts Store, leaving Unit Minivan to wallow in her fear.

While The Driver and Unit Stratus were engaged in their mission to the Parts Store, I began a conversation with the other worthy vehicles around my residence. Across the street was a unit similar to myself which uses the identification of Unit K5. Unit K5 has sustained severe battle damage and proudly bears the scars of many honorable encounters. I learned that Unit K5 is also in a state of dormancy while awaiting repairs, and is quite jealous of the other vehicle owned by his Driver. This other vehicle is a ?Havoc? Class Rock Buggy that has just finished the assembly stage and currently resides in the garage, awaiting its? first mission. I am unsure of the reasons behind Unit K5?s jealousy?.the ?Havoc? Class buggy is quite nice to talk to, although it is exceedingly vain and constantly refers to its? 500 cubic inch ?Caddy? main drive engine as if it is something special. I spend an inordinate amount of time (almost a full .077 standard seconds) considering whether or not I should inform Unit K5 that his stablemate has a secret desire to wear fender skirts and curb feelers, and prefers to be called ?Shirley?. My reasoning center interrupts the decision making process with a reminder of Rule 78939823 of the Jeep Code: Don?t Ask, Don?t Tell.

The Driver and Unit Stratus return from the Parts Store with a large amount of new parts. Over the course of the following 2 days, I log replacement of the following items:
? Distributor Rotor
? Distributor Cap
? Spark Plug Wires
? Spark Plugs (quantity 8)
? Thermostat
? Upper Radiator Hose
? Lower Radiator Hose
? Heater Hose (quantity 2)
? Alternator Belt
? Power Steering Belts (quantity 2)
? Radiator Cap
? Negative Battery Cable
? Positive Battery Cable
? Battery Tray
? Oil Filter
? Air Filter
? Fuel Filter
? Fuel Supply Hose (fuel pump to carburetor segment)
? Fuel Supply Hose (tank supply line to fuel pump segment)
? Fuel Return Hose
? Brake Master Cylinder
? Throttle Return Spring

Additionally, I note that the oil in my main drive engine has been changed, along with the fluid in my transmission. My radiator is filled with new coolant, my power steering reservoir has been filled, my transfer case has been topped up, and both my differentials have been inspected. I am proud to record that the fluid in my differentials was clean and fresh. It is the only area that I do not leak.

During this time I had the pleasure of meeting several additional Drivers. One of these Drivers had a voice pattern that I recognized from previous missions to a place called ?Speedworld.? When this Driver was introduced to my Drivers? mate, he confirmed his identity by repeating a phrase from my memory banks: ?Super Gas to the lanes. If you?re not there, you?re LATE!? It would be very interesting to meet the primary vehicle of this new Driver. I am unsure exactly what a ?Sportsman? Class vehicle is, but I am informed that this vehicle holds many honors and is the 2012 Arizona State Champion?..of something. The tales of this Driver and Unit Pipe Dream are strange to me. The only ?slicks? that I am familiar with are slickrock, and my memory banks do not contain any references to trails that only require 12 seconds to run. I set a reminder to ask Unit K5 about these references.

The Driver of Unit Pipe Dream assists my Driver in the rebuilding of my carburetor. Unfortunately, both Drivers failed to notice that the primary metering rod on the right side of my carburetor was varnished and the step up spring was not able to move the metering rod out of the primary jet. I attribute this to the design of the Edelbrock 1406 carburetor and the ability to rebuild most of the carburetor without removing the metering rods. There is, however, a 14.788% probability (+/- .78378%) that this mistake was related to the liquid refreshment consumed by both Drivers. I place the blame squarely on Edelbrock. My Driver does not make mistakes.

I am also introduced to another Driver whose primary vehicle is referred to as Unit C10. This Unit is also undergoing a full restoration. There seems to be a lot of that going around. Perhaps there is an inoculation that was missed. The Driver of Unit C10 also speaks in strange terms, such as ?dropped spindles? and ?shaved door handles?. I allow this Driver to assist in the replacement of my fuel lines, but I am hesitant to allow him any further access to my systems. I would be quite upset if my spindles were dropped, and I do not want anyone shaving any part of my body. All of my body work has been done with rocks and a Sawzall, a fact which makes me quite proud.



<End Personal Log Entry 00:17:41.383 EDT 03Sep2012>

[Rod2]

You, Len, are a treat.
In addition to my being an addicted FSJ'er and an ardent off-roader, I am also a fan of fine writing. I am a retired teacher, instructor, and professor of communication skills on every educational level from kindergarten to college.
Your narrative detailing your FSJ's restoration from its viewpoint would garner the highest grade I could assign in the highest level class I ever conducted.
Congratulations and please continue posting.

[Len in PHoenix]

<Personal Log Entry 17:38:23.737 EDT 03Sep2012>

As The Driver and the visiting Drivers are making repairs to my drive, braking and electrical systems, damage reports are being created, indexed, and prioritized. For example, while The Driver was inspecting my transfer case he pulled on my passenger side exhaust pipe and the sub-standard welds joining the muffler to the pipe separated, causing the muffler to fall and hit The Driver in the cranial region. The Driver was not pleased by this occurrence, but the Driver of Unit C10 appeared to find it quite amusing.

Other areas that require maintenance are my outer tie rod ends and ball joints. My shock absorbers require replacement, as well as my brake hoses. These components are still functional but are at the end of their service life. The replacement of my brake master cylinder has restored braking function to 91.836% of capacity. The Driver has announced his intentions to perform a ?complete brake job?, which I interpret as replacement of front pads, front rotors, front calipers, front hoses, rear shoes, rear drums, rear wheel cylinders, rear wheel brake hardware, and my rear brake hose. I send a message to The Driver informing him that if he is going to replace my rear brake hose, I would prefer to have it replaced with a hose intended for a long-bed J-20. This hose has the same fittings as the hose I currently employ, but is 4 inches longer. Longer is always better.

I have observed the oddly shaped socket used to disassemble my front drive hubs in the pile of tools utilized by The Driver. Seeing this socket causes fluctuations in my power supply. I do not like this socket. My personality center informs me that the use of this socket is similar to the usage of tools by something called a ?Dentist? in the language of the Drivers.

On the third day of repair, The Driver attempted to replace my current 33x12.5x15 Mud Terrain tires and 15x8 steel wheels with a set of 265/75LT16 Bridgestone tires and aluminum 16x8 wheels from something called a ?Super Duty?. The tires were rather skinny for my tastes, but the wheels were pretty and I liked the name ?Super Duty?. Unfortunately, the wheels did not fit. Apparently the ?Super Duty? trucks use 12mm studs in place of the 9/16? studs that I have, and the bolt pattern of the ?Super Duty? trucks is 8x170mm instead of the 8x6.5? pattern on my axles. This experience was quite productive, as I learned several new phrases from The Driver. My personality center has noted that these phrases are filed under the keyword of ?Obscene?.

It was shortly after this experience that I was introduced to the Driver of Unit K5 and Unit Shirley. Apparently his auditory sensors had picked up the tirade from my Driver and he had come to offer assistance. The two Drivers walked across the street to the area where Unit K5 resides and returned shortly with a 16? chrome steel wheel and tire from something called a ?Ram?. A quick scan of the other vehicles at Unit K5?s residence showed the presence of a Cummins powered Ram 2500 pickup which was proudly showing off a set of 17? aftermarket wheels. The two Drivers successfully fitted the ?Ram? wheel to both my front and rear axles. This was followed by an exchange of several pieces of green paper and the appearance of 3 additional ?Ram? wheels. The tires on these 4 wheels are quite worn out and are not suitable for use. The tires on the ?Super Duty? wheels are almost new. Perhaps The Driver will arrange for the new tires to be placed on the ?Ram? wheels. My current tires are splitting quite badly from dry rot, so even these skinny tires would be an improvement.

It pleases me to record that The Driver has also figured out the problem with my primary metering rod. Both of my metering rods have been replaced with smaller rods, and my step up springs have been replaced with a set 2 steps stronger. After the replacement of these items, The Driver took me for my first mission since leaving exile: a trip around the block. I was concerned about whether or not my tires would survive even a mission as short as this one, but we completed the mission without incident. The Driver announced that the changes made to my carburetor would be a good ?race tune? but that it was too rich in cruise mode. I found the extra power quite exhilarating. The smell of unburned hydrocarbons was quite pleasing as well, almost as nice as the smell of WD-40.


<End Personal Log Entry 17:38:24.783 EDT 03Sep2012>

[bigun]

Hmm have you by chance read any of the BOLO books?

[Fury5]

Really enjoying this! Good luck with the resurrection!