BlackBart
09-30-2006, 10:04 PM
Black Bart’s field observations of the FSJ tribe in Ouray, Colorado 2006.
I had the opportunity this year to study a fascinating group of individuals in their natural habitat. This group is a subspecies of Automobile Enthusiast, they are far more intrepid and adventurous than the Billet Craving Street Rodder, but are more cautious and civilized than either the Rednecked Mudbogger or the Psychotic Axlebusting Rockcrawler.
Their social structure seems to consist of two basic groups. One group is the FSJ restorer, and the other is called the FSJ modifier. There is a surprising tolerance between these two groups, mainly because of their mutual hatred for “baby Jeeps”.
There has developed a religious group whose spiritual life consists of veneration of a thing called “Quadratrac”. This mysterious Quadratrac, of which little is known, requires the faithful to offer libations of a substance known as “Quadratrac Fluid”. I was not allowed in the secret ceremonies where the forgotten secrets of Quadratrac were discussed. But from what I could gather, it may have something to do with agave juice, and I suspect, might be somewhat interchangeable. I think that tequila and Quadratrac fluid just might be one and the same. As with most religions, most other FSJers don’t understand why people don’t forsake Quadratrac and turn to the gear drive Dana 20. But, there are no hard feelings, it is a matter of faith, some people have it, some don’t.
The group has one Mortal Enemy. This creature is known as Joe the KOA Nazi. Joe spent his youth running a Christian youth camp, and knows that any sound after dark means that Sin is running amok, and he must stop it.
FSJers come in all shapes and sizes. Overall they are a pleasant group of people, who treat their cantankerous machines with love and tenderness.
I had the opportunity to spend considerable time with one FSJer known as Bigun. Bigger and Hairier than your standard FSJer, he has a particular fondness for propane. There are some suspicions that he uses this for secret rituals, like peyote. He also seems to enjoy making me scream like a little girl by almost running off the road on the treacherous highway curves surrounding Ouray. He drives a ridiculous looking contraption named Crom, which besides it’s curious odor, looks like it escaped from a Mad Max movie.
I hope to have the good fortune to make further observations of this fascinating group of individuals next year. That is if they can decide where they are going to camp!
I had the opportunity this year to study a fascinating group of individuals in their natural habitat. This group is a subspecies of Automobile Enthusiast, they are far more intrepid and adventurous than the Billet Craving Street Rodder, but are more cautious and civilized than either the Rednecked Mudbogger or the Psychotic Axlebusting Rockcrawler.
Their social structure seems to consist of two basic groups. One group is the FSJ restorer, and the other is called the FSJ modifier. There is a surprising tolerance between these two groups, mainly because of their mutual hatred for “baby Jeeps”.
There has developed a religious group whose spiritual life consists of veneration of a thing called “Quadratrac”. This mysterious Quadratrac, of which little is known, requires the faithful to offer libations of a substance known as “Quadratrac Fluid”. I was not allowed in the secret ceremonies where the forgotten secrets of Quadratrac were discussed. But from what I could gather, it may have something to do with agave juice, and I suspect, might be somewhat interchangeable. I think that tequila and Quadratrac fluid just might be one and the same. As with most religions, most other FSJers don’t understand why people don’t forsake Quadratrac and turn to the gear drive Dana 20. But, there are no hard feelings, it is a matter of faith, some people have it, some don’t.
The group has one Mortal Enemy. This creature is known as Joe the KOA Nazi. Joe spent his youth running a Christian youth camp, and knows that any sound after dark means that Sin is running amok, and he must stop it.
FSJers come in all shapes and sizes. Overall they are a pleasant group of people, who treat their cantankerous machines with love and tenderness.
I had the opportunity to spend considerable time with one FSJer known as Bigun. Bigger and Hairier than your standard FSJer, he has a particular fondness for propane. There are some suspicions that he uses this for secret rituals, like peyote. He also seems to enjoy making me scream like a little girl by almost running off the road on the treacherous highway curves surrounding Ouray. He drives a ridiculous looking contraption named Crom, which besides it’s curious odor, looks like it escaped from a Mad Max movie.
I hope to have the good fortune to make further observations of this fascinating group of individuals next year. That is if they can decide where they are going to camp!